Who R U?

the elevator door open, i look up and immediately i saw you. or should i say we saw each other at the very same moment. i think i have a smile or i think it was a smile. you know the kind of smile like you have a secret but you not telling yet. well i hope it was a smile cuz i'm damn sure i could feel both end of my lips went up slightly. our eyes lock but i quickly look away. i'm not use to looking at strange man directly. hmmm especially if he looks like you... yeah i look at them on the sly.. hee hee.

i can tell that you're tall by the way you were seated. sitting straight, reading the paper. your white shirt still looking kinda crisp...dam did you starched it? white shirt, blue jean and that buzz military hairdo.....gawd my mind was having nasty thoughts. i do a quick all over, trying not to be so obvious. hmmm.. wondering if i can wash lingerie on your ab.. ok snap out of it!!

as i step out to the lobby, we both look away. but i know you were checking me out... how do i know that..

cuz you look up when i walk pass you.

dammit, of all day i'm in my sloppiest friday moment. double dammit!! should have worn my new maxi dress. maybe he would remember me as that lady in the blue dress....

sigh.. if only. but hey... at least i was brave enough to look him in the face, even if its for the briefest moment.

yeah i'm shy like that.... lol.

wonder if i will see him again...

Row Row Your Boat...

hmmm... my boss suggest i join the company's dragon boat team.

simply because i'm *big bone*, i may have the stamina to row the dam boat, sweating in the sun, arms aching, legs cramp up in minimal space. on top of that, having to give up my saturday and sunday morning when competition around the corner..... arhhhh..... weekend is the only morning where my love affair with my pillow last a little bit longer than usual.

i have to admit though, the first time when i read the company email recruiting for crew i was tempted, but for the life of me, it slip my mind till couple of weeks later. looking at the current team, i realize with the exception of one, i'm not comfortable with the rest of the folks. now, they recruiting fresh blood, hoping to send out more team.

i don't know.. should i go ahead and gives up my weekend pleasure, waking up early, huffing and puffing and going through the rigorous training. to be honest, i'm not sure if i can cope with the training part of it, actually it scares the hell out of me. what if i fainted or have heat stroke??? who going to carry me??? shot..

but i am tempted... hmmm.. let me think about it a little longer, maybe.. just maybe..

This Dream Freaks Me Out...

There I stood from a distance, watching and wondering what's the commotion was all about. All I see were shadow men running towards the door on the right of me, full of excitement with such quickness in their footstep.

Just as the last shadow disappears from my view, out came a huge figure with wings, all white and looking very majestic. At one glance it look like a man but than it seems more like an eagle. As the eagle turns his attention towards me, I started to run with all my might. As I turned to look, I noticed there were two of them, the other smaller in size.... both chasing after me.

Next thing I knew, I was in my late aunt's apartment, with her standing in a corner not speaking a word. The room was dark, but not too dark that you can't see where the furnishes were laid out. I was beating the small eagle with something hard, like a small plank wood. I was beating it with all my might, but I think it was more out of fear than anything else. Finally the smaller creature collapsed. The bigger eagle, starts scratching the aluminum window, full of anger. Its wing flapping furiously, its claws banging wanting to get to us. I kept beating the window pane, hoping it would scare him away and leave us alone. Suddenly, it decided to fly towards the kitchen, I ran and locked up all the glass window and there he was, flapping and banging its claws hard towards the window pane... and finally one of the window glass broke under its heavy beating.

I took my aunt's hand and we ran towards my old apartment. The apartment was bright as the lights were switch on, as compared to my aunt place. I noticed there was my late dad, he just looked at us, but never uttered a word. There was someone else there too but I can't remember who it was. Without saying much, I locked up all the window in all the room. I ran towards our kitchen and lookout to see if the big white eagle was following us. From the distance, it seem he was still banging towards the window pane of my aunt's apartment.

Than I woke up.

The whole day, I was disturbed by this dream. I don't recall having such dream before and it kept playing in my mind. It bothers me so much, I had to text message my aunt (on my mom side) and tell her about it. She called me immediately and starts asking question, like what time the dream occured, was I stressed out? Did I stop by anywhere on my way home? I said no I wasn't stress out, I was not thinking of anything in particular. She said, it was just a bad nightmare... dream of animals at certain hour, could represent something negative. She told me not to mention it to mom. I wonder why were the two persons that has passed where in my dream...

I'm not big on dream interpretation, cuz to me its just mean I have a huge imagination and an active mind...lol. But this one really freaks me out and for some reason I was not comfortable. You wouldn't believe what my aunt ask me to do...told me to say my prayer 3 times and burn the end of my hair (just a little bit of it) and said, I'm not burning my hair but I'm getting rid of the bad dream and bad spirit. She told me to do this before, when I told her about my recurring dream with me looking in the mirror and playing with my hair. Since I was so freak out, I actually did what she told me to do...

I made a mistake and told mom about it. I should have listened to my aunt. I noticed the sudden change in her look and she kept asking me about the dream. I sense she was worried and must be thinking of something else. I don't want her finding it out from my aunt and get upset cuz I chose to tell my aunt FIRST.....lol.

I don't know... I shouldn't believe in something like this, but still I can't help myself.....

You, Dr. Burke... Me, Christina

When I managed to catch the early bus, I could see him on the opposite side of the train track, waiting for the same train to take us to our daily destination. Sometimes, when I'm late... I will miss him at the train station. Secretly, I look forward to this morning ritual, just to have a peek at him. A little disappointed when I'm late and miss him.

He stands tall with confidence in his pose. He has a *lanky* build. Maybe a little skinny for my taste. Wonders if extra helping of chickens will put that extra *meat* on him...lol. Guess, it don't matter if you just *admiring*. His crisp shirt nicely coordinated with the tie and always paired with dark pant.... hardly a creased to be seen. Does he iron his own shirt, perhaps he has a part time maid who came over and do house chores. He always carries a backpack and listen to his ipod... I wonder what he listens to, what his favourite music. Wonder if he can shake his tail feather or do the electric slide... hee hee.

When the train arrived, we boarded from our side always meeting by the door. My eyes averted from looking directly at him. At time, I dare myself to look him in the eye but I chicken out...lol. I don't want to be caught staring, and I have never been brave enough to look at a man directly... especially the one I been stalking from far. Well if you can call it stalking...lol.

I will steal quick glances every few minutes, in his direction trying not to be so damn obvious. I wonders who he is, where he's from.. does he has a woman.. sigh. I don't see wedding ring on his finger, yes I managed to sneak a peak on that details. However, most men don't wear their wedding band either.

Sometimes, we stood next to each other and I tried to smell his cologne. Trying hard to sniff his odor but failing to do so, makes me wonder if he's not a cologne kind of guy. Maybe my smelling sense failed me...lol. At times, he has this smug look on his face. You know the kind that caught you in a dilemma of not knowing whether to slap or kiss him till you run out of breath.

I have a stupid smile on my face. Its silly I know, but for that few minutes, I feels like a teenager having her first crush. I be looking in all direction except him. Pretending to be fascinated by the damn billboard sign, when I wonder what it feels like to kiss him and have his big eyes looking back at you. When we arrived at our destination, his long legs and quick stride will pass me, eager to get his day started... sign of a workaholics?... Who knows...

I called him my *Dr. Burke* (Isiah Washington character in Grey Anatomy). There a similarity in looks with the exception of him being caramel skin. I never seen him talking to anyone while waiting for the train to arrive, nor have I ever heard his voice. Hence, I can't tell his accent. I'm not sure of his origin, he could be African American, but he could also be a Moroccan.. sigh.

Only thing I'm sure of... he works at IBM, couple of buildings away from where I'm at.

I will do my morning routine, *admire/stalk* whatever, him from afar and get lost in my own world, pretending to be his *Christina*.... lol..

A lady can dream.. can't she?....

I Had A Dream..

I been having weird dreams lately.

I dream that I was topless (I think), my hair down to my waistline. The reason why I said I think I was topless in my dream cuz I was passing by a mirror when I did a quick glance to see the length of my hair, I noticed seeing more skin. I could feel the weight of my hair, but other than that I can't remember the rest of the dream. My aunt once told me, if someone dream he/she is pretty much naked while looking at a mirror... its not a good sign, meaning, someone has bad intention on you. God forbid that should happen.

I had countless dream such as this (hair and mirror), only I don't recalled being naked. I don't believe in dream interpretation cuz I don't want to get spook by it, but nonetheless, at times I have to admit it bothers me. At one point, my aunt told me to burn the end of my hair (well like a very small portion), to ward away evil (just in case). I thought about doing it, but than I was like hayle to the naw!! Cuz being a klutz that I am, I might end up burning half of my hair. I don't want to believe in cast, spells and voodoos, but I also know it's out there. Mom always told me, never mock it, respect the unknown. Just because you don't see it, don't mean it don't exist.

When I casually told mom about my dream, she just kept quiet. When I push for answer, she told me to say a prayer before going to sleep or each time I step out of the house. I told her, I did that (well, when I'm not already dozing off to la la land or running out of the house late for work). I know she meant well. So I let it pass.

The second dream I had, was about Mr Liteskin, my ex fiance.

I'm not sure how I came about dreaming of him, since I'm not thinking of him. In my dream, he wants to get back with me. I told him he not ready to love someone and I refused to fill his *lonely* gap. He insist that he knows letting me go was a big mistake and he ready to try again. I asked him, did he miss me.... he said very much. The strange thing, the guy in my dream who supposedly to be Mr Liteskin is not him. Or he don't look like him. I must have toss and turn in my sleep cuz, I'm not sure the ending of that dream or if I said yes.

I told mom before that I dream of him, she said usually when that happens it meant maybe he is thinking of me or something bad must have taken place and he trying to reach out to me. Something bad could just be like he fallen ill. I admit, many times I wanted to pick up the phone, especially after I dream of him, just to make sure he's okay. But than again, why should I, since he's been reclusive, never replied my email just to say hello or even drop me a line when I mailed his birthday card. I been adult in this relationship and even polite to extend us as friend. So fukkit, I'm done.

My life still goes on....

What Does It Mean...

I had such a weird dream today....

Me and someone that I knew.. could be my cousin but for the life of me.. I can't remember who, seems to be either found guilty of a crime and we were being sentence or both of us were going somewhere far as if we not coming back.

We were in a crowded room, it was a bright cheery room but for it seems to be fill with sadness the next thing I knew chaos comes about. Everybody was hugging everyone else. I was running out of the room and looking for my parent.

There stood my mom all teary eyed, I hug her but I don't recalled much of the hug. But I do remember very vividly... how I ran to my dad (may he rest in peace).. he was crying and we hug.. we hug real tight for a long time .. I could fell him physically as if I was wide awake. We just hug and I don't want to let go and we cried....there was such sadness. Next thing I knew, everyone leaving, me and my cousin (I think) were left behind. It was a very confusing dream... I felt like as if we were in jail and my other cousin (my dad's nephew) came back to make sure that we are ok. There probably missing pieces in that dream.....

I woke up and my pillow was wet and I know I been crying...

Sigh.. what a way to start a day...