another disappointment...

i been holding on to this disappointment feeling since yesterday. i thought i would feel ok and it will just blew away like the wind.

i was so confident that i will get the job through inter-dept transfer because i have the extra skill that i felt the rest is lacking. i been preparing mentally to accept the extra workload, the new responsibility. i was prepared because i was that confident. but i was wrong.

i wonder what i lacked that they felt i would not be a contributor to the dept. sigh. i even psyched myself not to stress about not getting the job. if its meant to be, its meant to be. nonetheless, when i read the email, i felt crushed.

i was so piss yesterday after reading the email. yeah i was piss for a good 30 minutes that the devil in me came out. yeah i was jealous. i had to calm my ass, thank gawd i was attending a whole day course, i don't have to fake happiness. gaaawwwdddddddd am i such a bad person??!!

on the way home, i told myself maybe this is for the better. for we can only plan, its the big guy upstairs that give the final push. i decided that this will be another BLESSING IN DISGUISE. for what we think is good for us, may not be good in his eyes.

with that thought in mind, i breathe, release, let go.

this much i know, i'm a much better worker than one of the *successful* candidates. so be it, it's their lost...

breathe, exhale, breathe, let go...