My little cousin will be married tomorrow. Yes, while his aunt aka MOI... still hanging loose all by herself. Gawd, I'm so not looking forward to attending the wedding this weekend. All dress up, put up a brave smiley face, dealing with folks teasing asking when it's going to be my turn, listening to irritating remarks... ohh you so choosy... maybe if you don't look too hard.. blah blah blah blah blah blahhhhhhhhhhhh. oh the fuckery!!
On top of that, 2 weeks later, I have to attend my oldest and bestfriend's wedding. SIGH...
Church wedding at 10am.....why whyyyyyyyyyy it has to be so early. I need my sleep on the weekend. Now I have to get up early when I don't want too, get all dress up AGAIN and sit by the church pew, watching the ceremony all by myself. Yes, I sound pathetic.. let me whine, let me whineeeeeeeeeee...
Come to think of it, I don't have anything to wear to the wedding... ARGH!!! Yes, all women said that even when they have closet full of clothes, but for some reason you just can't find the ONE to wear for the occasion. Dammit wish I got pay tomorrow, at least I can go shop for a new dress, if I can find one that fits my dam body. It's so freaking hard to find something for me as I'm not the typical skinny and small body type. Dammit I have WAIST AND ASS and nothing fits in the ready made department. ARGH!!!
I told Ade, I won't be attending the wedding lunch. She got all upset and said, "I was going to sit you with his friends and expect you to take care of them." I'm like WHOAH!!! I don't even know who these folks are, what makes you think I'm a social butterfly? Don't you know I'm shy? Of course Ade hmmphh at me, "You shy????!!! Since when?!!!" Oh shit, I really not good at making conversation with total stranger much less having to sit with them throughout the whole meal. ARGH!!!
But I have to go, we been friends since we 18 years old and she will be migrating to Australia and gawd knows when we going to see each other again. I just had to put on my poker face (not really sure what that is), be thick skin (which I'm not good at), put on a brave smile (once again, which I need to start practising smiling in the mirror, I don't want to scare off anybody) and pretend I'm having a dam great time.
I can't tell Ade, the real reason why I don't have the desire to attend the wedding, she won't
understand and I don't want to be accused of being selfish. Maybe I am... feeling selfish... sigh. It's funny how we both met our men (well my ex fiance at the time), about the same time, both men having the same name, both of us in love (well I know I was than). I was supposed to be married before she does.... here I am, once again... by myself.. and maybe I resented her a little for her happiness... Gawd I'm an awful friend =:O(
Funny too, how she's the one who always crying on my shoulder over men and was depressed all the time. While me trying to console her, that her time will come, that happiness will be hers....
Here is it, her time and I'm feeling shitty...but I will be attending that wedding even if it's going to hurt inside...
Am I a bad person for feeling the way I do?
On top of that, 2 weeks later, I have to attend my oldest and bestfriend's wedding. SIGH...
Church wedding at 10am.....why whyyyyyyyyyy it has to be so early. I need my sleep on the weekend. Now I have to get up early when I don't want too, get all dress up AGAIN and sit by the church pew, watching the ceremony all by myself. Yes, I sound pathetic.. let me whine, let me whineeeeeeeeeee...
Come to think of it, I don't have anything to wear to the wedding... ARGH!!! Yes, all women said that even when they have closet full of clothes, but for some reason you just can't find the ONE to wear for the occasion. Dammit wish I got pay tomorrow, at least I can go shop for a new dress, if I can find one that fits my dam body. It's so freaking hard to find something for me as I'm not the typical skinny and small body type. Dammit I have WAIST AND ASS and nothing fits in the ready made department. ARGH!!!
I told Ade, I won't be attending the wedding lunch. She got all upset and said, "I was going to sit you with his friends and expect you to take care of them." I'm like WHOAH!!! I don't even know who these folks are, what makes you think I'm a social butterfly? Don't you know I'm shy? Of course Ade hmmphh at me, "You shy????!!! Since when?!!!" Oh shit, I really not good at making conversation with total stranger much less having to sit with them throughout the whole meal. ARGH!!!
But I have to go, we been friends since we 18 years old and she will be migrating to Australia and gawd knows when we going to see each other again. I just had to put on my poker face (not really sure what that is), be thick skin (which I'm not good at), put on a brave smile (once again, which I need to start practising smiling in the mirror, I don't want to scare off anybody) and pretend I'm having a dam great time.
I can't tell Ade, the real reason why I don't have the desire to attend the wedding, she won't
understand and I don't want to be accused of being selfish. Maybe I am... feeling selfish... sigh. It's funny how we both met our men (well my ex fiance at the time), about the same time, both men having the same name, both of us in love (well I know I was than). I was supposed to be married before she does.... here I am, once again... by myself.. and maybe I resented her a little for her happiness... Gawd I'm an awful friend =:O(Funny too, how she's the one who always crying on my shoulder over men and was depressed all the time. While me trying to console her, that her time will come, that happiness will be hers....
Here is it, her time and I'm feeling shitty...but I will be attending that wedding even if it's going to hurt inside...
Am I a bad person for feeling the way I do?
4 comments:
no it is OKAY to feel like this. By the way, my brother is getting married on 3rd august. my younger brother. how do u think i will feel on that day?
ahhhhh ed, i know the feeling.. i feel your pain..lol. *hugz*
sigh to make matter worst, the next 3 weekend it fills with wedding invitation.... argghh!!!
did the wedding happen yet?
If not--maybe you'll have more fun than you expect--especially since you expect to have crummy time.
lol @ gc.
you might just have a point. i been dragging my feet about attending the wedding this weekend, if it turn out for the worst..i just crept out from the recept quietly.. hee hee
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