Its only Tuesday and already I can't wait for the weekend to be here. Work is sucking the life out of me and each night I came home, I'm mentally exhausted... sigh.. why do I have to grow up..lol. Okay I know that sounds very immature, but than again its been a long day... so excuse me.
I got an email from D. Basically asking how mom and I been holding up, why I've been so quiet, no news, no email. Nice to know he been losing sleep thinking about me...lol. He thought with me being silence means I been getting my grove back.....lol... if only that is the truth... gawd.. its been awhile since... since... last September 06, since me and Mr High Yella went our separate ways.
Well, it seems D wanted to introduce me to ... lol.. you ready for this?....lmao.. A Ghanaian brother..... yap you got that right!! He 33 and according to D, ready to settle down. I was like .. is he for real?? Honestly at the time when I read his email, I was quite taken a back... but later I burst out laughing. He a PR in states and looking for the right woman to settle down and starts a family. Which for some reason D thought of me. Am I insulted by his gesture... no, I think it was rather sweet of him.
Took me couple of days to reply D's email. I said thanks for thinking of me and my well being, for I am touch by his concern, but I'm not ready for any relationship much less with someone I have no clue about. I jokingly told D, maybe he looking for green card and hence I'm not one for qualified candidate...lol.
I wonder if D really thinks I must be lonely or desperate (for the lack of better word) to be jumping across continents and be married to someone that I have no inkling or interest. Do people really do that? Do they do it because they afraid to be by themselves? Do men/women get involve in relationship just for the sake to be with someone, simply not to be alone. Is that why Ms Hotpanty been in one relationship to another.... oh wait thats a different post altogether. Can men/women be in relationship where there is no love but just for the sake of companion? Will I eventually be one of these people? I pray to the Almighty that I won't come to that moment or desperation.
I know I can't share my life with a man I have no love for. And I certainly don't wish to be with a man that is not in love with me. The old folks have a saying, love will come eventually when you starts to build your foundation. What if.... that loves never comes? You sharing your life with that person, but deep inside.. you feels empty and alone.
Maybe I'm emphasizing too much on the love factor... but than again... to me, love what pulls two person to be one and if you have such love for each other, that what binds you through thick and thin.... or maybe I'm wrong... sigh.
We all been in love, have our heartbroken, mend it up and fall in love again. Each time that we fell in love we hope its for the better and stays forever. Right now ... I'm tired of getting my heartbroken and having to pick up the pieces and pretending that it don't hurt. Maybe I'm not meant to find that everlasting love, that we as human crave for... I know I do. Keep telling myself, take this as a blessing in disguise for we can only plan but its up to the Almighty to give the final blessing.... lol.. yeah right.. its a blessing in getting hurt...
For now.. I'm done.
I'm done with falling in love.
I'm done with letting down my wall only to have it crumbled.
I'm done with picking up the pieces and putting it back together.
I'm done with the hurting of losing that love. I'm done...
For now... I'm jaded.
Fuck Love.
I got an email from D. Basically asking how mom and I been holding up, why I've been so quiet, no news, no email. Nice to know he been losing sleep thinking about me...lol. He thought with me being silence means I been getting my grove back.....lol... if only that is the truth... gawd.. its been awhile since... since... last September 06, since me and Mr High Yella went our separate ways.
Well, it seems D wanted to introduce me to ... lol.. you ready for this?....lmao.. A Ghanaian brother..... yap you got that right!! He 33 and according to D, ready to settle down. I was like .. is he for real?? Honestly at the time when I read his email, I was quite taken a back... but later I burst out laughing. He a PR in states and looking for the right woman to settle down and starts a family. Which for some reason D thought of me. Am I insulted by his gesture... no, I think it was rather sweet of him.
Took me couple of days to reply D's email. I said thanks for thinking of me and my well being, for I am touch by his concern, but I'm not ready for any relationship much less with someone I have no clue about. I jokingly told D, maybe he looking for green card and hence I'm not one for qualified candidate...lol.
I wonder if D really thinks I must be lonely or desperate (for the lack of better word) to be jumping across continents and be married to someone that I have no inkling or interest. Do people really do that? Do they do it because they afraid to be by themselves? Do men/women get involve in relationship just for the sake to be with someone, simply not to be alone. Is that why Ms Hotpanty been in one relationship to another.... oh wait thats a different post altogether. Can men/women be in relationship where there is no love but just for the sake of companion? Will I eventually be one of these people? I pray to the Almighty that I won't come to that moment or desperation.
I know I can't share my life with a man I have no love for. And I certainly don't wish to be with a man that is not in love with me. The old folks have a saying, love will come eventually when you starts to build your foundation. What if.... that loves never comes? You sharing your life with that person, but deep inside.. you feels empty and alone.
Maybe I'm emphasizing too much on the love factor... but than again... to me, love what pulls two person to be one and if you have such love for each other, that what binds you through thick and thin.... or maybe I'm wrong... sigh.
We all been in love, have our heartbroken, mend it up and fall in love again. Each time that we fell in love we hope its for the better and stays forever. Right now ... I'm tired of getting my heartbroken and having to pick up the pieces and pretending that it don't hurt. Maybe I'm not meant to find that everlasting love, that we as human crave for... I know I do. Keep telling myself, take this as a blessing in disguise for we can only plan but its up to the Almighty to give the final blessing.... lol.. yeah right.. its a blessing in getting hurt...
For now.. I'm done.
I'm done with falling in love.
I'm done with letting down my wall only to have it crumbled.
I'm done with picking up the pieces and putting it back together.
I'm done with the hurting of losing that love. I'm done...
For now... I'm jaded.
Fuck Love.
4 comments:
I'm down with your sentiment sista ...
"Fuck love" ... again.
Be well today ... and stronger.
Peace,
Ridwan
no no no no no...never..never ever give up hope. It is gone today but you know it is always lurking around some corner. it will all come around...eventually. bah.
I haven't quite decided that I'm done with it yet but I feel where you're coming from. I might be one more bad relationship away from saying the same thing.
Ridwan - Awww we gonna be aight brodda.. we gonna be aight...lol,, fuck love, aprodites, cupids the whole posse!!
Ed - If its lurking around the corner remind me to bring my marchette.. cuz I will chop that sukka down!!
F.Deaky - Hey thanks for leaving a note. Don't give up on your relationship.. one of us have to have an happy ending...lol.
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