The Woman In Me

I been told you’re not a real woman, if you have not given birth to a child. You’re not a real woman till you know what it feels like to be carrying a child to full term. To nurse that child with the milk that flows from your body. To bond with the infant that you been carrying for the past 9 months. You're not a real woman till you losing sleep because your baby is not well. You're not a woman because you never know the joy of hearing your child calls you MOMMA... guess I'm not a real woman.

The maternal instinct in me has been kicking like a bloody time bomb about to explode.. sigh.. seems like forever. I always wonder what it feels like to walk around with your tummy jutting out.. knowing a little human is growing inside of you. Folks asking how you feeling, when are you due, is the baby boy or a girl. I always imagine what it feels like to have the little human moving inside of you trying to find their comfort zone. I wonder what it likes to feel that first kick inside your womb. I guess I never know...

I know I can still be a mother by adopting.. but you know deep inside.. It’s not the same. As the child is not of your flesh and blood, they belong to someone else. Someone else child can never truly be yours. You can love them unconditionally.. but human that I am.. its not the same...maybe I'm just being selfish.. maybe..

I'm not at an age to give birth or advisable to be carrying baby to full term. As most of you know when you pass 35.. well its pretty much a losing battle. I want to have the family unit, the picket fences, the mini van and all that a real woman have. But I guess, that's not going to happen to me any sooner.. or is it too late...

For now.. I don't feel like a real woman .. I feel incomplete.