Something You Crave Alot

i have a long list of *things* that i crave for. but when i think long and hard it leads to 2 things in my life this instance that i felt the craving could never been fulfil or come to fruition.

i'm going to address the first.

i'm craving to be a mother. it breaks my heart when i know deep down, i will never be one and no.... i'm not talking about adopting. i'm talking about the whole nine yard of *creating* with your better half to starts a family. where deep desire of wanting to have a family that it was done with love. when that love (by the will of God) resulted in having that child growth inside of you and feels it first kick... no i never will have that. for nine months where the foetus become a baby and through the birth process... no.. i will never feels that.

each time, when i hears a child calling for his/her mom, my heart ache. these ears will never hear a child cried for me...these arms will never hug a child that is mine. these eyes will never see her own child smiling back. these lips will never kiss the skin of her child.

when i goes window shopping and saw things related to kids, i always wonder if i have a child, which would i buy, will i spoil and let them choose whichever to their heart contents...sigh. friends always said.. ohh gigi you so lucky you don't have to deal with the kids, blah blah blah... but they don't realize how lucky they are. me i just smile and laugh it off, when deep down inside it felt like my heart is being pierce with needles..

i know i've written about this before and it gets harder when mother's day is around. i'm simply stating to the craving that will not be fulfilled.