Finally...

on the eve of thanksgiving, i finally said my goodbye to icetea.

it's not easy, it was never easy, but it was necessary. after all that was said and done, after all of the years of up and down that we both went through, after all the tears of joy and happiness, the love and respect that i've shown and given to him, i don't deserve being disrespect by his very action. it hurts.

i wrote him an email, said my piece, wish him luck and happiness. told him god bless and GOOD BYE. press send and pray hard that i won't received any reply from him, for i have no desire to read its content.

i'm totally done.

Argghhhhh.... i dig a hole

i've work in a rather big dept. clearing your annual leaves is always an issue among all of us. sometimes it can get pretty nasty and folks start having back talks. we have to give 6 months in advance our plan leave and even than, it's not a confirmation that you get the date you *applied* for. especially when there's more than 1 person blocking for the same date.

this year i've noticed that 2 of my colleagues *partner* up to block dates for their annual leave. at first i thought maybe i was being paranoid. but than, the same name appears on some other dates... and i'm like hmmm.... see their plan is, if these 2 mofos block on 24 Dec, no one will applied for that date cuz there's already 2 person applying for it. however, as the date get nearer, one of them convenient drop their plan, so the other partner could go ahead. now i kept my mouth shut cuz i don't want to start no shit.

well, guess i'm not the only one as couple of others noticed what these 2 mofos up to. i finally lost my cool (cuz he was trying to act all kind and shit by giving up his leave for me) and  i sarcastically mentioned to him that i'm aware of their *partnering* and now both of them giving me the cold shoulder. well i don't give a shit n a bucket. screw them both!!

i dig deeper hole by questioning my boss about his leave. you see, if you going to tell me, we as a staff can't do this or that, now why the hell you turn around and screw your own do's and don't and did it anyway??? of course i'm going to question you because i want to know why *the rules* not applicable to you. now on this particular incident, glad to know that my friend have my back cuz while my boss end up telling his sob story to her, she turn around and turn the table on him. (not sure if this makes any sense to you). anyway, she told him, what the dept wants is transparency, you can't turn around and bend your own rules and expect the staff to accept without any valid explanation. however, i did apologise to him saying it was not my intention to question him, but for my own better understanding of how things work. i felt a leader have to lead by good examples only than the rest of the crews will follow....

oh well that's just my opinion anyway and yeah, the bosses always get to screw you....

Games Anonymous...

i have a new addictions. one that leaves me captivated for hours almost on a daily basis. an escape from my own reality. i stares, fascinated at what i could *create*, steal, shot, discovered, gain info and goes.. ohhhh at the end result.

hi my name is gigi and i'm addicted to facebook games =:O(

1. mall worlds

2. fashion designers

3. coco girls

4. it girls

5. avenger of indiana jones

6. crime worlds

7. csi: crime city

8. are you smarter than a 5th grader

this is the result of not having a husband and child to look after. lmao!!

oh well i'm enjoying and it lets me escape and release my stress away.

i miss l.a.

pasadena civic auditorium. after watching x-factor and salivating over leroy bell (well that is a fine looking 59yr ol MAN) bring back memories of good time that i had while i was engaged to mark. i remembered the very first time i set foot in la, i was excited but pretend like it's no big deal.  i have to admit what excites me most was the fact, it was only 5mins walking distance from where mark's was living.

i used to spend my time, just walking around the civic area, the DWS store, the rows of eateries, the malls but my all time favourite has to be Ross and Target. well, what can i say, i'm a woman on a tight budget...lol. we actually attend the BET comedy award show held at the auditorium and seeing shemar moore up close...uhh hmmm... *fan*

one thing i realize, i get lots of stares when i'm there. maybe they can't make up their mind what nationality i am. no one mistaken me for chinese...lol.

sigh.. i'm just writing randomly due to feeling nostalgia. all i can say, i've been lucky and bless even when happiness was not within my reach, but still i'm grateful for the happiness i had than.

In The Words of Bob Marley....

“Only once in your life, I truly believe, you find someone who can completely turn your world around. You tell them things that you’ve never shared with another soul and they absorb everything you say and actually want to hear more. You share hopes for the future, dreams that will never come true, goals that were never achieved and the many disappointments life has thrown at you. When something wonderful happens, you can’t wait to tell them about it, knowing they will share in your excitement.

They are not embarrassed to cry with you when you are hurting or laugh with you when you make a fool of yourself. Never do they hurt your feelings or make you feel like you are not good enough, but rather they build you up and show you the things about yourself that make you special and even beautiful. There is never any pressure, jealousy or competition but only a quiet calmness when they are around. You can be yourself and not worry about what they will think of you because they love you for who you are.

The things that seem insignificant to most people such as a note, song or walk become invaluable treasures kept safe in your heart to cherish forever. Memories of your childhood come back and are so clear and vivid it’s like being young again. Colours seem brighter and more brilliant. Laughter seems part of daily life where before it was infrequent or didn’t exist at all. A phone call or two during the day helps to get you through a long day’s work and always brings a smile to your face. In their presence, there’s no need for continuous conversation, but you find you’re quite content in just having them nearby. Things that never interested you before become fascinating because you know they are important to this person who is so special to you. You think of this person on every occasion and in everything you do. Simple things bring them to mind like a pale blue sky, gentle wind or even a storm cloud on the horizon.

You open your heart knowing that there’s a chance it may be broken one day and in opening your heart, you experience a love and joy that you never dreamed possible. You find that being vulnerable is the only way to allow your heart to feel true pleasure that’s so real it scares you. You find strength in knowing you have a true friend and possibly a soul mate who will remain loyal to the end. Life seems completely different, exciting and worthwhile. Your only hope and security is in knowing that they are a part of your life.”

 ― Bob Marley

Uhhh F&$*#@ this!!

i just block tacicia.. i don't know who that person is and why she following me =:O(

now, i need to stop spending. i really do. i lost my mind and bought 3 perfumes, 6 maxi dresses online, juice beauty serum and apple green peel and assortments of cookies for the coming celebration end of august. yes, i'm spending money like nobody business.

just when i thought i could breathe and treat myself to luxury, media have been delivering the depressing news on world economy. sigh, can't a girl get a break here!!!!

i been thinking of giving up on finding love online........ yes i said love.. not husband. i'm tired and i'm done and i'm losing all hopes. i will die a lonely woman with no cat to alert the neighbour. i can't find anyone that gives my heart a lil jump start, well except for mr puckerlicious and blueluvray69.

men.....uhh.. what's that? my memory about to erase them...slowwwleeeee....

UPDATE: Stalker Mode on the go...

Update (aug 2):

my stalking spell is winding down. considering that we both on different timezone and communication seems to be a hindrance (to him), i let him decides if he still wish to communicate with moi. i'm not chasing for it. if it meant to be, it will.....

have not heard from him than.... but its all good. at least i take my chances. =;O)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

so you have been looking for me online huh....

i been cheezin, smiling from ear to ear eversince i read your email this morning. brief as it may be your reply, but its enough to makes me smile.

yeah, mr puckerlicious lips i see yaa...uh huhh

On Stalker Mode...

do you remember me mentioning i have a crush on a certain member, where i began to have the sign of a stalker? yeah that dude whose smile makes me going back to his profile for like numerous time that i'm sure by the time IF HE DECIDES to log in he gonna block me for real. well... i decide to gives up on him. its not healthy for me...lol.

nahhhhhhhh....

i found me a new chap to stalk. yeah i'm a sucker for a guy with contagious smile and lawddd trust me this one has smile that will melt the ice and soup cooler to warm you up.. hee hee. so.. my stalking tendency goes over drive and i decide to drop him an email complimenting his pic (i'm praying hard it's the real deal, i mean his pic that is). nothing too off the wall, just a generic hello nice smile have a great day kinda brief email. not even a hope to hear from you. i figures, if he going to reply great.. if not.. oh well, i was sincere with my compliment.

well oh well.. guess what.. yeah i'm cheezin right now cuz dude replied and ask how i'm doing and said, he doesn't want me to think i was being ignored....... SUUUUWEEEEETTTTT!!

ok ok, i know.. he probably just being polite and such, but hey... its all good on my end. yeah i reply back.. thought i wanna play it cool.. you know like wait till thursday to reply him. you know act all nonchalant like i have too many things to do but check emails. but shit, i could drop dead tomorrow and he thought I WAS IGNORING HIM. so.. i wrote back.

now its the waiting time...

I Got Me A Medal... hee hee...

the alarm went off at 530am. i drag my sleepy self out of bed, took a shower, did the morning prayer, get dress and out the door by 6am. with no breakfast. i was in a rush to be there by 645am i don't even have time for a toast.

hail a cab, paid $14 drop me off at meeting point while i wait for zu. while waiting, i can see the crowd of ladies in all shapes and sizes, off different races and nationality comes together, slowly marching in from all corners in the official blue top, looking like sea of smurfettes. it didn't cross my mind to snap pics, guess i was nervous and excited at the same time anticipating the brisk walk, praying i make it final point.

we finally set off at 730am, while most of the runners took off jogging, i walk at my own phase trying to get the rhythm. all i wanted to do was complete this race. as we approached the 500m of the finishing point, both zu and myself start to jog slowly. as we pass the finishing mark we give each other high five and smiling like we just won the new york marathon race..lol.

it was a great morning, as i get to reconnect with old friends and saying hello to new ones. than we all make our way to have a big breakfast at the local cafe and just chill out and having a good laugh.

shape run 5km in 48min.... i can't ask for anything better...

Who R U?

the elevator door open, i look up and immediately i saw you. or should i say we saw each other at the very same moment. i think i have a smile or i think it was a smile. you know the kind of smile like you have a secret but you not telling yet. well i hope it was a smile cuz i'm damn sure i could feel both end of my lips went up slightly. our eyes lock but i quickly look away. i'm not use to looking at strange man directly. hmmm especially if he looks like you... yeah i look at them on the sly.. hee hee.

i can tell that you're tall by the way you were seated. sitting straight, reading the paper. your white shirt still looking kinda crisp...dam did you starched it? white shirt, blue jean and that buzz military hairdo.....gawd my mind was having nasty thoughts. i do a quick all over, trying not to be so obvious. hmmm.. wondering if i can wash lingerie on your ab.. ok snap out of it!!

as i step out to the lobby, we both look away. but i know you were checking me out... how do i know that..

cuz you look up when i walk pass you.

dammit, of all day i'm in my sloppiest friday moment. double dammit!! should have worn my new maxi dress. maybe he would remember me as that lady in the blue dress....

sigh.. if only. but hey... at least i was brave enough to look him in the face, even if its for the briefest moment.

yeah i'm shy like that.... lol.

wonder if i will see him again...

The Queen is back with a bump...

i had a scare.

mom came back from visiting grandad only to be told that she fell and hit her head hard. the initial bump was huge (according to my aunts), but subsides a little couple of days later. however, when she came back yesterday, the bump has is still there. its been 4 days since that incident.

i took her to see the doctor in the morning. it took us almost 2.5hrs of waiting time (since we went to general public instead of private) for a less than 15min consultation. we than proceed to the hospital for further check up. i decides mom should have xtray and brain scan to eliminate any worries like internal bleeding or hairline fracture.

while waiting for all this to go through, all i could think about was her health. it was a blessing when the results show that mom is well. guess her skull is in good shape...lol. doctor said, the bump will remain till about 2 weeks or so as it wont subside that quickly. mom need to do a follow up in 2 days time. if she has any symtom of throwing up, visual impairment, headache, etc she needs to check-in asap. i'm praying that won't happens.

i'm just counting my blessing and grateful to God, for i was full of worries but trying hard not to show mom. but i know she was scared cuz she refuse to have lunch till everything is over with. i know mom.. she loves food too much to pass it.

i'm glad she's home =:O)

last night, it hit hard on me.

it must be all the quiet in the house and too much time on my hand.

either that or

pms was hitting me like the mofo.

but i was feeling really down and alone and just wishing that i have someone to call my own.

Keep Walking...

tonight i decide to brisk walk alone. usually i have my *walking* buddy with me but i just don't feel like having company and making polite conversation.

however, the sudden urge to brisk walk could also due to my burger king lunch and the fact i'm participating in a 5km shape run next sunday. i needed to prep as i don't wish to get too comfy on the day itself and not able to cope.

it was a good walk as i add an extra 1km to the usual route. i was perspiring even before i hit the pavement. now, i'm feeling kinda achy, hopefully it won't affect my flow tomorrow. as a treat, i had pan fried salmon and crush ice, top with red peanuts and syrups as desert. yes, it defeats the purpose having that desert, but i needed MOTIVATION... lol.

mom is out of town for about 5 days, and i'm already missing her. i hope she have a great time meeting up with my grandad. i'm kinda piss as i can't go since everything was plan at last minutes. i'm sure i be hearing lots of story when she returns.

now, i have to think of what for dinner tomorrow =:O(

Sigh..

i found some folks at FB are rude. yeah plain rude.

why is it so difficult for folks to leave you a message as part of an intro of who you are.. you understand me?

here an example:

hi gigi, its me lala. we were in high school together and i just found you on FB. hope we can get reconnected again.

NOW HOW HARD IS THAT?!!!!

but noooooooooo, they just add you and expect you to remember who the hell there are. and when i do leave them a message for clarification...ohhhh guess what.....NO REPLY.

what ever happen to simple basic manners??? have we gone so techie everything within the fingertips that manners just went out the fucking window.

and oh yeahhh... IT DON'T TAKE YOU 3 DAYS, a week, break your precious fingernails or NEVER to reply a message left in your inbox (same goes for text messages).

and oh yeahh... if you going to add someone, but never bothers to say hello during the long duration of your stay, WHY THE FUCK BOTHERS??!! yes i understand some of them have 4,000 friends listed (yes numbers exaggerated so its hard to keep tract). so yeah.. i'm gonna do house cleaning. i may left with 2 friends on my list, less nosey folks.

now.. am i asking too much here folks?

jeezzzzz...

Life is FUCKING Great!!

that's the exact word i said in my dream!!

it was the weirdest dream i ever had last night. i was taking a ride in an old car with two other friends and we were yakking throughout the drive.

i alighted from the car, ask this white dude why the hell he is bored and make my merry way to meet up with friends for dinner.

i was singing out loud and swinging my hand to Man Down by Rihanna when suddenly i just said out lout.. LIFE IS FUCKING GREAT!!

as i make my merry way to meet with friends, i saw a girl that looks just like me, only she a shade darker and was wearing a red headband with bow on her head.

when i reach my friend's dinner table i tol them i just met my twin!! we waited for the rest of to turn up while food is being served. i have no idea what happen next cuz Kanye was singing .. uhh that's my wake up call.

but i know one thing.. i sure as hell was happy in that dream.

someone told me, from now on.. whenever i felt down and out, just sing out RUM PUM PUM PUM MAYNNNEEEE DOWWNNNNNNNNN and i will remember my dream.

i need more of such dreams.. lol.

How It Aches..

i dreamt about you.

in my dream you sent me a text message on my phone, Help Me, it said.

but i delete it off because i was still hurt by what you did to me, how you have treated me.

i said to myself, why ask me for help?!! you don't need me in your life.. don't you remember that....

than i woke up and my gut feeling telling me you're in town...

you need to be a non-motherfucking-factor in my life.

i'm missing you though.

It was still a Good Day...

i woke up early this morning. i sacrificed my sleep in for brisk walk by the beach with zu.

the morning started slow. the sky was dark and promised of rain to come. true enough as we were making our way to the beach it starts to drizzle. as none of us willing to fall sick, we decided to chill out and have breakfast at mcdonald. so much for being all gung ho...lol.

as we waited for the rain to subside, we talk and had couple of good laugh. finally when the sky clears up we make our way down the beach. i believed we walk quite a bit because i can feel my tigh began to ache. it was almost 1pm and we decided to call it quit not wanting to over do ourselves. and for a threat, we went window shopping.. well the mall was just nearby..lol.

while browsing, i *bump* into an old enemy. she looks surprised to see me and quickly turn away, and i leads zu out of the shop. i fear that i might say the wrong thing at the wrong time, i have no desire to be civilised with her nor do i want to fake a friendly smile.

i thought the feeling of hate gone from my heart... but i was wrong as proven today. i can forgive, but i don't forget... well for some.

Wha a fee-lingggg...

it's 915pm, friday night, i'm all sweaty, tshirt stick to my skin. i'm feeling all hot and funky. BUT IT FELT GOOD!!

i just came back from doing my night brisk walk. after a month of hiatus, tonight me and my walker buddy walked about 4 to 5km. than we do a quick tone up at the park and boy i have not sweated bucket this much for ages. well ok maybe last week when i did my impact day, only because i was cycling 10km and weather was killing me.

i'm trying to get motivated again. something has to change in me. i have too. i have to be more positive even if it mean being positive all by myself....lol. cuz I MATTERS.

i realized i have been more active this year. i pick up walking as part of exercised. i joined 4km community chest walk. i cycled 10km and later end of july i be doing my 5km Shape 2011 run (well it will be brisk walk for me). i'm trying to start slow. i never good at jogging but hey we all have to start somewhere.

all i need is to stay motivated.

A stalker in need of help...

i am officially a stalker. an amateur stalker that is.

i been stalking someone profile, gawd i hope it won't show how many time my name appears on his list. i mean no harm, i just love looking at his smile.

each time i login, no matter how many time i browse for others, i end up at his page. something about this particular adam (as in adam and eve) pulls me like a damn magnet. i kept reading his profile write up, wondering how true he is to his words. you know how it goes, they be writing all sweet and shit but when in reality, it be all different. but for now, guess i take his words for it. ahhhhh... i don't know what to do. well actually i did something...

well uhhhh, i did send him a brief message like almost 2 months ago to be exact 12 May. no reply and today, when i check i got the flashing envelope by his name. which indicated it was not read and deleted. i was crush. but..... his profile indicated he has not login for 2 months. soo... i'm thinking perhaps, unanswered messages get deleted automatically after a certain duration. YES I'M CONSOLING myself.

kr said, i should send him another message. maybe something a little bit more *traditional*. but i don't know if i can handle another unanswered auto delete.... sigh.

i'm feel really stupid like a teenager struck by first love. i should be embarrased...

i'm not afraid of being alone.

i just don't like it.

=:O(